11:41 AM 24/06/2009

im taking a little short break. it is annoying how i cant update my entry online at work because apparently, i dont have excess to the internet anymore. Bleargh. not that i'd have time to update in the first place. but i spent the whole 2.5hrs in the morning checking the mumbai accounts. so yeah. my eyes and mind kinda tired. but the thing is that, work makes me feel useful. not smart, but still useful. yeah, i've been feeling a sense of stupidity lately. i feel like i cant do much. cant even get myself into a decent course in university. i feel pathetic. but i'd never admit it verbally. work keeps my mind off things, it makes me focus on the better things in life, like family time, friends-hang-out session, casual outings with people. yeah.

next up is new delhi accounts. apparently, kak nisa thinks that i should learn how to do the statements accounts, since i've been doing lots of checking lately, i should know a little bit about the accounts. imprest, bank recon, statemnt account. i should take up finance course. Hmmm. there i go again, a whole new pathway just created itself. now im drowned with choices. im confused. aaaaaaahh.

bbo suddenly just came up in my mind. :S now im more confused. but it is nothing.

i kinda miss my friends (excluding those i've just met)

omg, i'm listening to radio every morning and it's making me laugh and smile to myself. seriously, i look retarded. haha.

Oh. i need to start writing my book this weekend.

wassalam.

12:24 PM 24/06/2009

Lunch time! yay. time for Angels And Demons.

for some odd reason, i feel super relaxed, non-sleepy, non-hungry today. odd. the weather suggests otherwise tho. i think im weird. i need a form of entertainmentt. i need more fooddd. let's pray i dont get fat at the end of my time working here. speaking of time, i have absolutely no idea till when im gonna be working here. i mean, if im gonna be learning abt the accounts everytime, it makes sense to stay longer right?

i need to prayyy. let's wait for those people to finish then i'll conquer the room for half hour. HAHA.

a scar not known to anyone. a scar that, if revealed, will shock the hell out of you. a mistake made, so big, you feel like an unforgivable sinner. these shall, or rather, must be concealed, never to be revealed. all's causing one to be at the verge of outburst. but no. some things are better left unspoken.

but to you, i've already spoken, we're already broken.

her laughter annoys me to the max. seriously. i realise, im kinda anti-social at work. i only talk to people when im really in a good mood, but other than that, i dont go to their work place, talk and laugh. i dont see a need to. people probably see me as a workaholic. but i've got my reasons as to why i turn out this way.

besides, im not a total loner actually. i've got my usual clique. maybe im cliquey. so?

25th June. –updated during work-

apparently today i feel lively. which is good. =)

experience taught me that i can love, i can be infatuated, i can crush, i can miss someone but never admit it. the words, 'i like you', 'i love you', 'i miss you' probably will never escape my tongue unless it is with the people who are meant to hear it. Hahaha. that's why sham will never hear me admit it when i miss him. But you know i doo... AWWWWW. haha.

Btw, on the way to work. There was this pakcik. I always see him every morning and he always says “Assalamualaikum” as I walk pass. And I will jawab in my heart. But.. today, he came up to me, and said something. I couldn’t make out what he was saying. But I was in a hurry, so I paid no ottention, and he suddenly touched my arm as if to stop me. So I shrug him off. I got a little jerky. And touchy. I cant stand it when people touch me or put any force on myself. It frightens me. Yep. Thanks to the pakcik, im freaked out. I get freaked out by pakciks who start talking to me suddenly in nice tones telling me their story and stuffs and get closer along the way. Seriously. Whats up with the world?

Even in mrts. When it gets tooooo crowded, people squeeze and everything… I get reallyyyyyyy freaked out. Esp, if the people arnd me are guys.

I just came across a name – Gomathi. In pronounciation – Go mati. -________-“

End. I miss talking to Amree. Random.

Wassalam.


don't think of the past. || focus on the future.